This Is How I Fight My Battles

Well, this post is not fashion related and you won't find any sales here, but you will find the very raw truth of "fighting our battles". I hope that through writing this post, I can encourage at least one person that reads this. 

If you follow along my Instagram, you know 2019 has started off painful for myself.

January 1st we were called to my grandmothers bedside and told we didn't have much time left. We spent hours by her side watching her sleep. After what seemed like the most emotionally draining 4 hours, I headed to a close friend / coworkers house for dinner. We ate, talked, laughed and baked cookies. I then headed home with a hug and "See ya tomorrow!".

These pictures are from Christmas of 2018. The very last family picture we have all together

Little did I know, that I would not be at work the next day or well actually the rest of the week. That next morning as I headed off to work, in my very favorite sweater dress (that I have yet to wear since that day), I was in a car accident. After checking both ways and seeing it was "clear", I turned left and was struck from behind and then up the side of my car. I so distinctly remember the sound of the air bag deploying, not realizing at the time that was the sound I had heard and that I was in an accident. I thought for sure being that it was a windy day, I had hit a trash can that maybe had blown into the road. I went to check my side mirror to see what I had hit and immediately saw the curtain airbag deployed and realized what had happened. After looking at the car I realized it was definitely totaled. This brought on all the tears. I just could not stop shaking and crying. I was out a car and out probably a few thousand dollars. My parents came and picked me up from the accident scene and we headed home. After being home an hour or so the headache, body aches and nausea hit me. I wasn't fine like I thought I was. We headed to the doctor to get checked out and I was diagnosed with a minor concussion, a sprained neck and sprain to my lower back. I spent days laying in a dark room in the recliner, simply starring at the wall and taking naps. It was a very long few weeks of severe headaches and constant nausea.

Here is my car immediately after the accident.

During this time, we went to visit my grandmom twice. We watched her breathing slowly become more labored and her consciousness slowly fade to a more comatose state. We talked, sang and prayed with her, letting her know it was okay to let go and to find her peace and she did. On Sunday, January 6th, she peacefully entered the arms of her Heavenly Father. We then went through the process of planning the upcoming funeral. We were able to visit with so many family members that we haven't seen in years. Family from Texas, family from North Carolina - it was a big family reunion. I thought for sure things would be back to "normal" now that everything was past. We had a plan for fixing my car and I was healing pretty well.

Now, I have to laugh because boy, does God have a sense of humor. I have to think He is sitting up in Heaven looking down saying, "You think it's over, but I have one more test.".

As I sat in church this past Sunday - 18 days post accident and 14 days post the passing of my grandmom, I listened to worship and we sang a song that I had heard before, but never dug into the words. We sang the first verse and then the worship leader stopped and started to share a little he had learned through this song. The lyrics go like this...

That's how we fight our battles This is how I fight my battles This is how I fight my battles This is how I fight my battles This is how I fight my battles

It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by You It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by You It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by You It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by You

Find the full song here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx6mfAgHDsY

We as humans have two responses when a problem arises, "Flight or Fight". This is what we know. We have a third option that we so rarely remember - "Surrender". Surrender our problems, surrender our struggles, our fears, our worries to Him. Because when we surrender our problems into God's hands, He becomes the victor. Sometimes we forget that the same God that did miracles back in Bible times is still doing them every single day. The same God that parted the Red Sea is healing patients with terminal illnesses. This song hit me hard. Thinking back over the last few weeks, I was thinking, "Woah, this message is for me. God is telling me to surrender the past to Him.". Again, little did I know that God was using this message to prepare me for the biggest test of faith I've had yet.  

Back to the plan, I mentioned earlier to fix my totaled car. Our plan to fix my car was buying a new totaled car and using the parts off that new Honda CR-V to fix my totaled Honda CR-V. Well, after watching a few car auctions and seeing a few cars slip out of our hands, I was becoming defeated. Then last week, a new car was placed up for auction. The very same car as mine and all the parts we needed were still perfectly in tact. We bid on the car and won! This was amazing. Now, to get this car back home we would need to borrow a friend and his truck, rent a trailer and drive a total of 600 miles totaling about 10 hours in the car. We were set. We made all the arrangements and were set to pick it up Monday. We drove and drove and after a long 5 hours we reached the salvage yard. I could not wait to get this car and bring it home. We rushed to the office and greeted the front desk with a cheerful, "Hi! We are here to pick up our car!" and the next 30 seconds became a blur. Due to poor weather and freezing temps, We were told we would not be able to pick up the car. One thought after another was flooding my mind, "What do you mean?" "We drove 5 hours, paid $50 in tolls, $200 in gas, rented a trailer, took off of work, borrowed our friends truck!" "This can not be happening!". Needless to say, I was crushed. After talking with the lady at the front desk and realizing we were getting no where, we asked to speak with a manager. He curtly explained to us that unfortunately, we would not be able to take the car today and we would have to make the trip again soon. That wasn't the answer we wanted and that wasn't an answer we were going to accept. After debating back and forth for well over a half hour, we came to a compromise. Though the ice was a solid 2.5" thick and the temps were below 10 degrees, IF by a miracle the ice were to melt within the hour, he would call us and we could take the car home. This was literally gonna take a miracle. Ice just doesn't melt when it's 8 degrees out. Everything I had heard and learned from the message the day before came back and here was my true test. Was I going to surrender? This was out of my hands. As we drove down the road to stop for lunch, we text everyone we could think of and asked them to pray for a miracle. We sat down to eat and I ate nothing. My stomach was in knots. All I could do was cry and pray. Over and over. About 45 mins later we get a phone call. The manager was calling, he greeted us with a, "The ice melted. You can come get your car!". I had finally composed myself of tears of fear and now I was crying new tears of joy! It was a miracle. My God heard me and had answered our prayers. There is just no other way to explain 2.5" of ice melting in a short period of time in freezing temps.

Philippians 4:6 - 7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

My miracle car!

Well, I'll end this post like I started. This post wasn't about style, wasn't about finding a good deal and I'm not sharing any sales, but what I'm sharing is better. It has eternal value. There is a God out there and He cares for you. He is still working in my life and in yours. Are you ready to surrender you problems to Him?

If you EVER need to reach out or have any questions on anything I have shared here, PLEASE feel free to reach out to me. I would love to talk and help you find peace through whatever trial you may be experiencing.

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Well, I never planned to update this post, but how fun is it to start a story and never learn the ending. So, if you read this post before or you're reading this post for the first time - when I originally wrote out my story I didn't tell it all. The emotions, pain and memories were too much at the time. I specifically skipped over our drive home with the "donor" car. Our drive home was long and filled with so many emotions of joy, excitement, relief, thankfulness... but then when we got home and we had the challenge of getting this totaled, not drivable car off the trailer. After a few tries of jumping, pushing and such, the car wouldn't budge. That meant we needed to get inside it and well quite frankly hold on for dear life as the car would be ripped off the trailer. I sat there in the drivers seat holding hands and praying with my cousin, bracing ourselves for what was to come. Next thing we knew, we were pulled from the trailer in many rough and awkward motions. We heard the sounds of metal crushing beneath us. This immediately brought back flashbacks of the accident.

I've never suffered from anxiety before, but after these traumatic experiences, I struggled with it. I couldn't sleep because when I closed my eyes, I saw, felt and experienced the accident over and over again. I cried and prayed each night. I was exhausted, but my mind was fighting sleep. I finally caved and started taking benedryl at night, this allowed me to finally get the sleep I needed. I did this for about two weeks all while praying that God would take this anxiety away and that I would be able to get the rest I needed without help. I learned over this time that anxiety is a real thing. It stems from various different sources. I also learned that I have a God bigger than my anxieties were. In 1 Peter 5:6 - 7, we are told "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." We are meant to share our burdens with others and I did just that. I shared with my family, friends, coworkers and prayer warriors my struggle and we prayed and He took that anxiety away!

Just under two months post accident, my car was fixed and running just like before. I can't even begin to thank ALL those involved in the very large task of dismantling, fixing, re - fixing, painting and so many more chores involved in this car. I am beyond blessed with the amount of love and support that I felt and received through this whole process and I am forever grateful for the lessons I learned during this very challenging season of my life. Like one great philosopher once said or if you're like me and prefer the version Kelly Clarkson sang, "What  doesn't kill you makes you stronger." 

All fixed and good as new!

1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast"

Romans 8:18 "For I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."